Seasons Page 2

  Jacetta went out with Maxie several times before she had finally enjoyed some solitary moments to share the exciting news with her cousins. One Friday evening, everyone else decided to go out to dinner, leaving her alone in the apartment. Ordinarily she would have been out with Maxie, but he had been called in to work. As soon as the family left, she immediately began to dial numbers, looking for her cousins to tell them about Maxie. She couldn’t reach Nita and Gina, but did eventually track down C.J. “I’ve met him, Cij!” she cried excitedly. “I have met the man of my dreams. And he is so . . . ooo . . . fine. Whoo!”

  “Oh my ears!” C.J. groaned at Jaci’s loud, excited screaming. “Now calm down and tell me who ‘he’ is.”

  “His name is Maxie Jackson. He’s older, about thirty, and soooo handsome and sophisticated! He’s just slightly taller than I am, and you know I like tall men. But other than that, this man is perfect.”

  She was disappointed when C.J. didn’t share her excitement.

  “I don’t know, Jace,” C.J. said after listening quietly. “You’re telling me that this older, good-looking man is unattached and interested in you?” She paused, reluctant to tell Jaci that life in the real world had already torn away her rose-colored glasses. She hated to sound cynical but felt she had to warn her cousin to be cautious. “Jace, are you absolutely certain this guy is not already married or hooked up with somebody? I mean, he sounds almost too good to be true. And remember what Grampa used to say? If something looks too good to be true, it probably is. Just be careful, okay? It might just be your innocence and the challenge of adding a fresh notch to his belt that he’s after.”

  Her feelings were a little hurt by C.J.’s pessimism, so Jacetta changed the subject; they talked a while longer, getting updates on each other and their cousins. “So how are you and Randy doing? You guys planning to tie the knot anytime soon?”

  “Well he’s asked, and I’ve said ‘yes,’ but we haven’t set a date. He’s anxious to see how things go his first season. He’s looking good so far though.” Randy was beginning what he hoped would be a long career in professional basketball.

  “That’s great, Cij. Be sure to keep me posted. You know, I was so glad that with Nita and me living in the same city we would be able to see each other regularly, but I’ve only talked to her once since I got here, and then she hurried me off the phone and never called me back. And I haven’t talked to Gina at all. Can’t even get a number for her. I heard she decided on the spur of the moment to move to Oakland with her old roommate, Clariece. I didn’t even know they were that close.”

  “Me neither,” C.J. replied thoughtfully. “I haven’t talked to them either. I can understand Nita’s reasons a little. At least she has an excuse—getting married and pregnant, all within a year. That’s a lot of adjusting to do. But Gina hasn’t been in touch with anyone. I don’t know what her problem is.”

  After Jacetta hung up, she still felt a little miffed at C.J. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at herself critically. She was five-foot-five and admittedly overweight, but thankfully the extra pounds were evenly distributed in all the right places. Her thick hair was a reddish-brown color, but she kept it dyed black and wore it in a short Afro. She hated the soft, naturally wavy texture of her hair and was often teased by her uncle when she applied harsh solutions to it, trying to get the hard nappy look she wanted. “Girl, do you know how many women would kill for the kind of hair you have?” he asked.

  She groaned as she took in the honey-toned skin, which was marred with numerous dark blotches and spots caused by the acne she constantly fought. Thank God for makeup.

  She reluctantly agreed with C.J. that there was nothing special about her. In all honesty, her almond-shaped eyes and large shapely legs were her best features.

  “Oh well,” Jacetta finally said to her reflection in the mirror. “So there’s nothing spectacular about the way I look. At least Maxie is mature enough to look beyond just outward appearances.”

  Whatever his reasons, Maxie Jackson aggressively pursued Jacetta and monopolized the little free time she had. To keep her from having to ride the bus, he dropped her off and picked her up from work and school whenever his schedule permitted. If they were not together, he called her at regular intervals to let her know he was thinking of her. Jacetta was on cloud nine.

  A few weeks after they started dating, one of the women—a regular in Maxie’s crowd—pulled Jacetta aside. “Look, honey, I figure nobody’s taken the time to tell you, but Maxie’s married, honey.”

  Jacetta’s jaw dropped in shock and she fell off of her cloud with a thud. “Why in the world would you tell me that?” she asked the woman, anger apparent in her tone. “Maxie is not married.”

  The woman made an indifferent gesture. “I’m just telling you because you’re young and dumb and don’t have a clue. You can do whatever you want to with the information. I just felt like you needed to know the truth.”

  “I don’t date married men, Maxie,” Jacetta blurted out as soon as they were alone. “If you’re married you should have told me.”

  Maxie’s head shot around in surprise. “Who told you I was married?” he demanded.

  “One of the women who hangs out with us. I think her name is Geneva. Anyway, what does it matter who told me? The only thing in question is whether it’s true or not.”

  “Ha! It figures. Geneva’s just jealous. She’s been after me for years, and I’m a little hurt and disappointed in you,” he said, reaching over to open the glove compartment. “I thought we had more trust than this between us, but let me show you something just to set your mind at ease.” He pulled out a thick envelope and handed it to her. She opened it and saw that it was a divorce decree. As she read it she was so relieved, and it never crossed her mind to question why he kept the papers in his car.

  After he saw her relief, Maxie quickly pressed his advantage. “I’ve been divorced for a while now, although not too many people know it. But even if I were still married, don’t you know I love you so much I would willingly leave her?”

  His words filled her with joy, but she shook her head sadly. “I’m not a home wrecker, Maxie. But since it’s a moot point there’s no need to discuss it.”

  Maxie’s confession of love was followed immediately by his plea that they fully express their love for each other. Jacetta had refused to let things go beyond a certain point.

  “We’re both adults, with adult needs,” Maxie pressured. “I know you’re reluctant to take our relationship to another level, but I believe you love me just as much as I love you. Baby, we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, so there’s no reason for us to wait. Please, sweetheart, I need you so much.”

  She actually fell for that old line! Years later, Jacetta would still be wondering why. Maybe she was flattered that this much older man had placed them on the same “adult” level. Maybe it was because she was actually overwhelmed by his profession of love. Maybe it was simply because she really loved him. Whatever her rationale, she agreed to go to his apartment with him. She convinced herself that since Maxie was the man she would soon marry, she was actually giving him the gift of her love and commitment.

  A couple of months later, she was out with Maxie and his friends on their regular Friday night club-hopping circuit. But fun was the last thing on her mind. How could I have been so stupid to let this happen? This question had taken up residence in her mind, consuming her thoughts. Throughout the evening she was quieter than usual. She should have been feeling excitement about going apartment hunting the next day. But instead, Lord, she was miserable!

  She always felt uncomfortable around Maxie’s older, worldly wise friends who got a kick out of teasing her and making fun of her greenness. Why do I let them make me feel like this? she wondered. But she knew for sure that the news she had for Maxie would only confirm their opinion of her. As the evening wore on, she was torn between extending her time in their presence to delay the inevitable, or ending the evening so sh
e could finally talk to Maxie.

  After what seemed like interminable hours, they were finally in the car heading toward her apartment complex. A slightly tipsy Maxie tried to coerce her into going home with him. “Come on, honey, it’s Friday night and you don’t have class tomorrow. Let’s spend some time together.”

  Jacetta’s nerves were stretched to the limit, and curiously, for the first time, she wondered if this man and his partying lifestyle were what she truly wanted. “No, Maxie, I can’t. I told you I plan to go apartment hunting tomorrow.”

  “You can spend the night and I’ll go with you and help you find a place. Or better yet, why don’t you just move in with me? That’s what you should be doing anyway. It’ll cut down on your expenses and give us more time together.”

  “I don’t think so,” she mumbled, almost overcome by anxiety. She had already gone against enough of her long-held values, and look where it had gotten her. She noticed they were turning into the parking lot. As soon as he parked the car, Maxie began to kiss and caress her.

  “Come on, babe, loosen up! You’ve been uptight all night.”

  Knowing she couldn’t put it off any longer, she swallowed nervously and hoped her vocal cords would cooperate because somehow, she had to get the words out. She condemned herself for being such a coward—heck! She’d always had the courage to confront any situation. Until now. She took a deep breath and began speaking. The words came out in a tight, squeaking voice. “I’m pregnant, Maxie. I . . .”

  “You’re what?” he yelled, interrupting her and quickly moving away from her.

  She continued in words that were rushed, choppy, and unsure. “I know this wasn’t planned, but now that it’s happened, we need to decide what we’re going to do.” She stole a look at him and noticed his response was anything but enthusiastic. His body stiffened and his ardor mysteriously disappeared. His unexpected reaction cut into her emotions, bringing tears to her eyes. This was not the way it was supposed to play out. He should have been taking her in his arms and assuring her that everything would be okay.

  Instead, he was quiet for long moments before asking angrily, “How did you let that happen? And just what do you expect me to do about it?”

  O . . . kaaay! Not exactly a positive response. She was hurt and disappointed, but she had just hit him with some unexpected news. “Well, I guess we need to decide if we’re going to get married or . . . exactly what we’re going to do.” Her tear-filled voice and body language pleaded for reassurance, which didn’t come.

  If possible, his voice was colder, harder. “That’s easy. There’s not much I can do since I’m already married.”

  “What?” Shock and confusion coursed through her. Why was he lying? “Maxie, you’re not married. You showed me your divorce papers, remember? And I know you live alone.” A nervous giggle escaped as she tried to hide her hurt.

  Maxie shrugged nonchalantly. “We . . . eeell, let me put it this way. Those divorce papers I showed you? They were from my first marriage. I’m still married to my second wife. Off and on anyway. We’re kind of on the outs right now.”

  His words delivered such a devastating blow to Jacetta’s heart that it felt almost physical, and a distressing question exploded in her head. Oh Lord, what have I done?

  “S-s-second w-wife!” Jacetta was so upset she started stammering. “You n-n-never said anything about being m-m-married twice.”

  Her youth and inexperience made her easy prey for Maxie’s deliberate attack. “It’s not my fault if you took it for granted that I had only been married once.” Which was what I intended you to do, he thought. “And when Geneva opened her big mouth and told you I was married, I had to do something to prove her wrong and pacify you.” He spoke in a tone of self-righteous indignation. “I should have known better than to get involved with a stupid little hick.”

  Hurt and anger caused tears to slide down her face. The words used, fool, stupid entered her mind and made her cringe as she realized how easily and eagerly she had been taken in by him. It didn’t lessen her despair to know she wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last to find herself in such a predicament.

  Her cousin C.J’s words came back to haunt her. “Jace, are you absolutely certain this guy is not already married or hooked up with somebody? He sounds almost too good to be true. And remember what Grampa used to say? If something looks too good to be true, it probably is. Just be careful, okay?”

  Why hadn’t she listened? Maybe if she had . . .

  Shame engulfed her, winning the battle over all other emotions. She knew this shame would be with her for the rest of her life. Not only had she dishonored herself, but also she had dishonored God, her family, and all the people back home in Riverwood who with so much pride and expectation had sent her off.

  Her daddy’s words, “You get in trouble, don’t coming running back to my house,” popped into her mind, bringing other harsh realities: She couldn’t go home and she couldn’t stay in her uncle’s already crowded apartment. Also, she was in a precarious position on her job because she had been there only a few weeks. Basically, she was homeless—and pregnant. Suddenly, another emotion took center stage in her mind—fear. What am I going to do?

  She looked at Maxie with anguish etched into her face. “But why? Why would you lie and deliberately mislead me? What could I have possibly done to deserve this kind of treatment from you? I love you, Maxie, and I thought you loved me.”

  She kept staring at him in stunned disbelief, remembering how flattered and over-the-moon happy she had been when he started pursuing her. Now, she was struggling to understand the rationale behind his calm announcement that he was married, that love wasn’t a part of the game he was playing, and that if she was too stupid to know that, it wasn’t his fault.

  “So, Geneva was telling me the truth after all,” Jacetta said while sobbing heartbrokenly. How had she gotten to this place? Pregnant. Alone. Ashamed. Terrified.

  Maxie looked at her and said impatiently, “Don’t start with the childish hysterics. Even if you are pregnant, it’s not the end of the world. We’ll deal with it later, but I need to go ahead and leave now.”

  “But . . . what am I supposed to do, Maxie? You have to help me! It’s your child too!”

  Maxie shrugged his shoulders and looked out the car window. Well the fun is over with this one. It’s time to move on, he thought to himself.

  He remained silent for so long that Jacetta brokenly asked again, “Please, Maxie, what am I going to do?”

  “Look!” he yelled at her. Her whining was getting on his nerves. “I thought you knew what to do to keep this from happening, but evidently, you didn’t have sense enough to do that, so you have yourself to blame.” He turned the ignition to start the car. “If I were you . . .” he paused briefly, effectively letting her know it was her problem, and hers alone. “I’d start thinking about how to get rid of this baby.”

  Jacetta gasped, trying to comprehend what she was hearing. “You mean an abortion? I can’t do that! Not as long as there are other alternatives.” She was furious and wanted to slap him for even making that kind of suggestion. “You want to kill this baby, Maxie? Your own child?” She was yelling at the top of her voice but couldn’t seem to help herself. “You can forget it!”

  Really wanting to get away at this point, Maxie looked at her, thinking, Am I going to have to throw this woman out of my car? He had no intention of dealing with this, now or ever.

  “Look, you do whatever you want to,” he said with indifference. “I told you I have to go. If you don’t want to follow my suggestion, that’s up to you.”

  Jacetta’s shoulders slumped. Her pride wouldn’t let her beg him anymore. She opened the car door and stepped out. Before closing the door, she leaned down and said, “Maxie, I hope to hear from you soon, but if I don’t, just remember one thing: God is merciful, but He’s also just. It might take years, but you will regret the day you rejected me and your child. This baby and I will make it, Maxie. God
will see to that.”

  Maxie wasted no time in speeding out of the parking lot without looking back.

  Jacetta had never felt so alone as she watched the taillights of his car disappear. Distraught, she looked around the dark parking lot, knowing she couldn’t face going into the apartment where there would be no privacy. But she had nowhere else to go. She found a dark corner behind the trash container, where she sat down on the cold ground and cried bitterly as she released her dreams into the night.

  While tears streamed silently down her face, she spoke to the only One she knew Who would never leave or forsake her. She didn’t care who might come along and hear her. “Father, forgive me. I’ve sinned and done what I knew was wrong. And my actions have resulted in a child. Lord, I need You like I’ve never needed You before. Please have mercy on me and help me.”

  As the days passed, her fervent hope of hearing from Maxie gradually faded. He had seemingly dropped off the face of the earth, leaving Jacetta alone to face the cold winds of winter. She knew that if she and her child were to survive from this point on, she could only depend on herself and the Lord.

  The innocent, carefree, enthusiastic Jacetta was gone! Maxie had given her a crash course in life and in just a few moments she had changed from a breezy spring idealist to a stormy winter realist. She resolved that from now on, her trust would be hard won and that she’d always be suspicious that people—especially men—were out to fulfill their own selfish desires at her expense.

  More than two decades would pass before God, in His own triumphant way, would show her that it is He Who controls the seasons.

  Moments

  Jaci

  Twenty-Two Years Later

  Jaci Winters worked in municipal government as a supervisor in the Housing Compliance Department. She was assigned to oversee the Hearing Coordination responsibilities of the Demolition and Abatement Division. As part of the legal process, the city held public hearings to give property owners one last chance to plead their case before their dangerous building or inoperable vehicle was demolished or hauled away. Jaci and her staff coordinated the hearings and made sure the information provided by the regular inspectors was accurate before it was presented.